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Newsletter vol.34 - I've been running away...(Therapy/peeling back the layers)

I’ve been struggling to put fingers to the keys to write this this week as I feel I have so much to say but so little to say at the same time! I feel that this is a time of great change for me as a person and for my business. Over the last two weeks, I’ve had revelation after revelation which has been exciting but exhausting! Looking at yourself (and I mean REALLY looking at yourself!), why you do what you do, what’s working and what’s not and getting SUPER honest with yourself is hard work! I feel shattered. Good shattered though. On the edge of a massive breakthrough, shattered.🌟💪💥

I have realised that despite working on my ‘not good enough’ belief and people-pleasing behaviour for oh, around 11 years, it has still been playing out in my life and business in ways that I hadn’t recognised! 🙈I thought I’d cracked this bloody thing!! This is the thing though, as I said in one of my social media posts this week, we are like an onion. Each time we enter therapy or coaching or any other time where we’re looking at ourselves, we are peeling back layers of the onion. One layer at a time of the ‘not good enough’ rubbish that’s built up in our heads over time.

The thing is, these layers have been there to protect you. Even though they may feel frustrating now, as they’re holding you back, their reason for being formed was to protect you from hurt, embarrassment and rejection. Until you start putting boundaries in place and taking care of yourself, your mind will not left you shift the problem, no matter how hard you try. It doesn’t trust that you can take over and look after yourself. Sometimes there is a hidden fear that is keeping us stuck. A fear that things may change, a fear that WE may have to change things, let go of things or start doing things that deep down we don’t want to do. Without looking carefully at the reason why you’re stuck, you will unconsciously keep repeating the same loops, the same frustrating self-sabotaging cycles.😳

Your brain won’t let you peel the next layer off until you’re ready and no matter how experienced your therapist or coach is, you WILL NOT go somewhere you are not ready to go. This was confirmed for me this week. Even though I am a therapist/coach myself and I am really open to change and learning about myself, I realised that I have unconsciously been dodging the deep stuff. I started with a new therapist in January with the intention to go deeper with the inner child work to release my need to please. We started the work and then conveniently my husband got ill and I’ve ‘needed’ to look at other things since. I’ve been having some sessions on Zoom instead of travelling to the practice in Derby to have the face to face sessions, making up the excuse that I haven’t got time, it’s too far, the petrol is costing too much (even though I have a hybrid!). It was only this week that I realised what I’d been doing! I’d been unconsciously running away from facing what I need to face! For those of you that have worked with me, I have been completely below the line, making excuses, blaming things and definitely being in denial!!

Change is scary. Terrifying. 😱😲To unearth the root of the problem can sometimes mean opening yourself wide up, dropping the invisible armour that’s protected you all these years, being vulnerable and making some tough decisions. For me, my armour has been serving the needs of others. It’s what I’ve always done. If I’m giving people what they need then they can’t reject me. As much as I’ve known this stuff for a very long time, the penny has really dropped this week. It has confirmed to me that we are all just works in progress. There is always more to learn if we want to become the best version of ourselves. This is a lifelong process and not one that is going to happen overnight.

I’m sharing this with you because I want you to know that it’s OK to feel scared at the thought of having therapy or coaching. It can be painful to look back at what you’ve been through, to look back at your childhood and your parents. You need to look back though to understand how you got to where you are now and where you want to go. Things may very well need to change. These may be little changes or big ones. There may be friendships that you need to let go of; you may realise that you need to leave your relationship or that the career you’ve had for the last 20 years isn’t working for you anymore. If we do what we’ve always done, we’ll get the results we’ve always got. The fear of the unknown often feels more scary than the thought of staying in an unhappy situation, relationship, job. I completely understand.

Fear is just our ego trying to keep us small, keep us safe, not rock the boat. You weren’t put on this planet to stay small and hide away. You are here to shine your light, make a difference and leave your mark. To show up as the best version of you and spread love and joy ❤

Trust me, I know it’s scary.

Please don’t give up though. If you’ve tried a particular type of therapy and it’s not worked as you’d hoped, try another. If you’ve had a counsellor that you didn’t click with, try another. It could just be that that is not what you needed at that particular time. I’ve tried all sorts over the years and each one has given me something slightly different but they’ve all helped in some way. There are so many therapies, books, courses you can go on to help get you unstuck. Just don’t stop trying. Never stop learning about YOU. The more you understand yourself, the more control you have over the decisions you make, your thoughts and your actions.

It’s time to stop surviving the days and claim the love, respect and abundance that you deserve. Decide today that enough is enough. Take that fear by the scruff of the neck and kick it into touch. Change is scary but it’ll be worth it when you come out the other side 😎

If you’re interested in the work that we do and the support we offer then please email me to book a free Exploratory Call. We’d be happy to help.

Have a magical week, you beautiful people 🌈💜🎉

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